


Broken Hearts and Silver Letters

by BlazingStarInInkyBlackness



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Fluff, Hamilton swears, Happy Ending, M/M, Self-Destruction, Soulmates, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, also
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-26
Updated: 2017-04-26
Packaged: 2018-10-24 08:58:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,802
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10738416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazingStarInInkyBlackness/pseuds/BlazingStarInInkyBlackness
Summary: Thomas and James have always known they would end up together, the words on their skin promised them an eternity of happiness. Unfortunately Thomas isn't quite so sure they could end up happy, not with the curse words written across his skin in a second handwriting.





	Broken Hearts and Silver Letters

James was born with clear skin. The midwife smiled at his mother’s worry, assuring her that it was normal. It happened to half the population after all; the half who were older than their soulmates.

 

Thomas was born with one short sentence on his skin.

His mother was ecstatic with the easy introduction, didn’t stop to consider how many other people in the world would have that name. She knew that Thomas’ soulmate would know.

 

When James’ first sentence arrived on his skin he scowled down at it. He didn’t know why the markings had appeared on his arm but it hurt and he didn’t like it. When his mother rushed over to him she was happy as she quietly whispered the words to him over and over again.

“Hello Jemmy. Is that going to be your name James? Jemmy?” She held her baby a bit tighter and smiled as she knew he’d be loved.

 

The two met when James was three and Thomas was two. James was already tired of being called Jemmy and he was sitting in a corner of the playground coughing into his hand. He hated the nickname everyone have him, hated the cough and hated his soulmate.

He was so busy listing things that he hated he didn’t notice the baby that came and sat next to him. When he noticed it he pulled back slightly. It was a boy who had black curly hair and intelligent eyes. James stared at him and smiled.

“Hello I’m James.”

“Hello Jemmy.” The boy muttered out. He immediately screwed his forehead up and whined. James felt a burning in his arm and he yelped. He pulled his sleeve down and stared as the words where they were fading from black to silver.

“Don’t like it.” The little boy whined and James frowned.

“It’s okay. Come on, let’s go find mommy. What’s your name?”

“Thomas.”

“That’s a nice name.”

 

After that day the two were inseparable. Their parents had nothing against it, of course. It wasn’t considered good form to try and separate soulmates. The two got on with their lives, knowing that they were friends and knowing that they got to be friends forever.

The first time there was a problem was when Thomas’ arm started to burn. He was trying to do his homework before it started. Then suddenly the pain was there.

He rolled his sleeves down and stared in amazement as a sentence began to scrawl itself out across his skin. James’ words matched the handwriting he’d had at that time, it was barely readable. This handwriting was barely readable but in an entirely new way.

It even looked angry, each stroke ended sharply and it looked as if someone had been writing fast enough to set the proverbial paper on fire. Thomas stared down at the words and frowned as he didn’t recognise all of them.

He hopped off his chair and wandered into his kitchen.

“Mommy?”

“Yes Tommy?”

“What does fuck mean?”

 

James stared down at his skin in amazement as words were drawn across it. The font was soft and the words were far apart, as if the writer was taking their time writing the words. James smiled at that, at the idea that this new friend he’d keep forever took so long over his words even though the words were too complicated for James to know.

James walked into his living room and noticed his sister was sat on one of the couches. She looked up and smiled.

“Hey Jemmy.”

“Don’t wanna be called that.” James huffed out and walked forwards. “What does this mean?” He thrust his arm forwards and she frowned.

“You got another one?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow.” She smiled. “They’re a charmer.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means that you’ve got someone very special in your future Jemmy.”

“Like Thomas!”

“Exactly like Thomas.”

James grinned up at his sister and grinned in excitement, at the very idea of finding someone else like Thomas. He didn’t really believe it, Thomas was more special than anyone else he’d ever met, but he knew that’s what the words meant.

 

It didn’t really hit either of them until they were several years older what the words really meant. They had another soulmate, another person who fit them completely, another person that they’d spend the rest of their lives with.

Thomas tried to convince himself that he knew that would happen. That he knew they would both meet their soulmate. The problem was he wasn’t sure.

Every so often Thomas would spot James running his fingers over his words, staring at the beautiful words that had been written into his skin. Thomas kept his hidden from a young age. James would ask to see it but Thomas always refused. James had only ever seen it once, the day it had appeared.

Thomas hated it, hated everything that it represented and hated the person. He always felt guilty then but he couldn’t bring himself to care. His soulmate didn’t want him, why should he want his soul mate? He had James and that was enough.

He knew he’d always have James.

He hoped he’d always have James.

 

When they were seventeen they got drunk alone in James’ room. Thomas was kissing James deeply, enjoying the sensation of his body just floating into nothingness as he knew it didn’t matter. James pulled away and let his head fall to Thomas’ shoulder.

“Do you think we’ll find him?” James whispered. Thomas sighed, not needing to ask who.

“I don’t know.”

“I want to meet him. I want to know who thinks of me like that.”

“I do.” Thomas leant over and kissed James again. James smiled at that.

“I know just… our first words were dumb. This is-” James rolled down his sleeve and stared at the words. “This is what soulmates are about.” James showed Thomas the words once more, the words Thomas had grown to hate. Someone else that neither of them had ever met could control James’ emotions without even knowing it.

“I like our soul bond.” Thomas said softly. James nodded. He shifted and his hands went to Thomas’ shirt as he unbuttoned the top button. Thomas frowned at him. James never made advances and they had never gone further than kissing. “What’re ya doing?”

“I wanna see your mark.” James muttered. Thomas groaned and shook his head.

“Don’t.” Thomas said. James frowned and continued to unbutton the shirt. Thomas scowled at that. “I told you to stop.” Thomas snarled as James’ hands came dangerously close to his mark. James backed off instantly and stared at him.

“Sorry. I just don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand?”

“Why you don’t want all three of us to be happy. Together!” James stood, swaying slightly on his feet. “You never talk about him and it’s not fair! He’s going to be part of us Thomas! You-”

“You don’t know if it’s a he!” Thomas snapped, standing as well. The calm the room had just been in was broken. “You don’t know a goddamn thing about them apart from that they love you!”

“He’ll love both of us Thomas. Just- we’ll meet him and-”

“And then fucking what?” Thomas snapped. He could feel the letters on his arm as if they were burning.

“Then we’ll be happy together.”

“No we fucking won’t!” Thomas yelled. “Because we don’t have the same fucking soul bond!”

James paused at that and stared at Thomas in confusion. Thomas opened his mouth before he sighed and closed it.

“I should go.”

“Thomas-”

“I’ll see you tomorrow James.” Thomas strode out of the room and then the house. All the way home he couldn’t stop thinking about James’ face as he stated his soulmate could love Thomas as well. Thomas knew that wasn’t true.

Thomas’ second soul bond wasn’t nice or beautiful like James’, it was cruel and full of expletives. It was a mess of English and Spanish. The handwriting was different. Thomas knew that the soulmate would be different.

As he collapsed into bed he sighed. He’d love his second soul bond just as much as James. James would love his own soul bond as much as he loved Thomas. Hopefully their second soul bonds could get on. Thomas couldn’t imagine a life without James.

He was terrified he’d have to.

 

The next day, Thomas showed James his soul mark again and saw how James’ face fell as he carefully explained it. They weren’t going to be in a simple relationship, they weren’t going to be happy as a three.

They were going to share each other with people they’d never even met.

Thomas watched as the ideas James had planned so carefully shattered around them. When James started to cry Thomas was there and held him all the tighter with the knowledge that one day he wouldn’t be able to.

 

When it came time to go to University they decided to split. Thomas knew something had changed that day when he’d admitted that they weren’t going to be together like James had hoped. James said that he’d come to terms with it, promised that he’d come to terms with it but he never had.

Thomas knew he never would.

It hurt to see James hurt, it hurt even more than the pain of not seeing James.

When they spent their last summer in their homes they kissed and left. Their terms started on the same day so neither of them saw the other’s room.

Every day they’d call each other or video call. James could hardly go through one lecture without Thomas sending him texts which James scolded him for. Thomas didn’t eat a meal without sending obnoxious pictures of it to James. Thomas knew how James would react, how he’d roll his eyes before kissing Thomas gently.

They’d both been terrified that if they went to different Universities their bond would fade into nothing but if anything it grew stronger, trying to bring them back together.

Thomas loved the Virginian sun and often teased James about how he’d decided to go to New York, stick with the much colder state. James grumbled about the winter constantly and Thomas had more than enough plans to visit him. He also had plenty of ideas on how he’d keep James warm when he was there, when they were together again.

Everything was going perfectly for the first two years.

Then James met Alexander Hamilton.

 

James was sat staring down at one of his textbooks and groaning gently. He heard a laugh from behind him and he turned. John Laurens was stood behind him, smiling broadly.

“Still having problems?”

“When am I not?”

“It’s not that bad.”

“I know. I’m just meant to be going home this weekend. So I can’t exactly do this then.”

“Going home? You live in Virginia, right?”

“Yeah.” James technically hadn’t lied. He was going home, he was going back to Thomas. The man had been taunting him for weeks now about how warm he still was. James had decided to visit him and surprise him, force him to stop making the jokes because goddamn it, James was cold.

“So what’s the problem?”

“All of it?”

“Well,” John rolled his sleeve up and tugged the textbook closer. James couldn’t help but look at the words he could just about make out.

**It’s not what it looks like.**

“Considered rude to stare.” John muttered. James jumped and looked back at John.

“Sorry.”

“Not a problem.”

“Have you met them?”

“Not yet. I’ve only got Laf right now.”

“You- you have two?” James stared as John nodded. It was rare to have more than one soul bond, some people didn’t even have one.

“Yeah. Laf and I are betting on who it’ll be. I’m reckoning it’s a guy. Laf’s not sure, hoping they’ll be non-binary like Laf.”

“You don’t think it’ll be a girl?”

“I hope not. I mean, you always love them but I don’t swing that way.”

“You swing at all before you meet them?”

“Course!” John scoffed. He then frowned. “Have you met yours?”

“It’s complicated.” James muttered.

“Complicated?”

“I have two as well. But-” James sighed. “Thomas, I met him when I was three. My other soulmate- he’s not Thomas’.”

“Shit.” John muttered. “That’s still doable, right?”

“Yeah. Just not what we thought it would be.” James shrugged. “Don’t tell people, will you? Thomas doesn’t people knowing.”

“Can I see your-” John was cut off as his phone rang. He grabbed it and began to talk. James stared back at his textbooks and wanted to scream. “Yeah Laf, we can do that.” John put his phone away and looked back at James. “Look, I know we don’t really know each other but Laf needs me.”

“And?”

“And I came here to get a coffee for my friend. Laf needs me more but Alex doesn’t understand how to survive like a normal person.” John began to hunt through his pockets for change. “Can you- can you just buy him a coffee please? As much coffee as possible. I know this is weird. Just- please?”

“Sure. Where is he?”

“In the study room upstairs, third on the left from the staircase. Tell him that Lafayette told him to sleep more.” With that John stood. “I gotta go dude.”

“See you in biology.” James said softly. John half ran off and James smiled after him. He then shoved his books back into his bag and walked to the coffee shop. He wasn’t even thinking as he filled out the order he knew John took.

His brain only really switched back on when he stood outside the door. He pushed it open and the occupant looked up. It was a boy who looked many years younger than James. His hair was wild and there were bags under his eyes which looked painful. He looked up as James walked in with a question in his eyes.

His hand was wrapped around a pen and it was shaking. As James looked around he could see why the boy was using a study room all to himself. The entire table was covered with ink stained paper.

James didn’t even ask, just set the coffee down.

“Lafayette says you should sleep more.” James said it with a smile and Alexander stared at him in amazement.

“Right now, the entire heavenly chorus is nothing compared to your beauty.” With that he grabbed the coffee and began to down it. James stared at him in amazement as he felt his arm burn where his words had just been spoken.

“Well fuck me.” James whispered. Alexander heard it and choked on the coffee. He began to cough violently and stared up at James in confusion.

“What?”

“You just- you said that…”

“What?”

“D-don’t worry.” James shook his head and walked out of the door. He immediately pulled out his phone and called Thomas.

“Heyo James.” Thomas said languidly.

“Thomas.” James breathed out. He closed his eyes and sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

“I found him.” James’ voice shuddered as he spoke and Thomas was silent. He knew exactly what James meant.

“What’s his name?”

“Alexander Hamilton. I’ve- I’ve known him for ages! I mean, I knew his friends. Laf and John, I’ve talked about them. Well I’d just never met Alex but-”

“You just did.” Thomas’ voice was quiet and James sighed.

“Thomas I-”

“Go talk to him James. Go- go have fun.”

“Fun?” James asked cautiously and he heard Thomas sigh.

“Anything you’d do with me. Anything. It’s- it’s your soul bond James. We’re equal.”

James wanted to argue at that. Thomas wasn’t equal to anyone, he was the person James was closest to. James couldn’t imagine knowing someone else like he knew Thomas. He glanced back at the door and realised Alex could be that other person, could be someone who knew James inside and out.

“Are you sure? Is- is anything off limits?”

“Just-” James knew how hard this was for Thomas but he had to know. “Don’t tell him about me, okay?”

“What?”

“I- if he asks then tell him. If he doesn’t please don’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because I-” Thomas paused again as if he was trying to find the right words, “I love you James.” With that Thomas hung up. James stared at the phone for a moment before he put it back into his pocket.

He stood there for a moment before the door behind him was thrown open. Alexander stared up at him in amazement before he started to talk a mile a minute.

“I get it now! You’re my soulmate. I should have noticed that but I was just really confused. I’m easily confused. Laf’s probably right. Thank you for the coffee. My brain doesn’t work well when I haven’t slept. It never works very well to be honest. I mean I don’t sleep. I might now. I hope I will now. I-”

“Breathe.” James said with a smile. Alexander took a deep breath and smiled up at him. “So my name is James Madison.”

“Alexander Hamilton.”

“And we have a soul bond.”

“We’re soulmates.” Alexander breathed out looking astonished. James nodded with a smile. “Can I kiss you?” James smiled and kissed him, trying to ignore how different Alexander was to Thomas.

 

It physically hurt Thomas as James pulled away. He knew James wasn’t doing it on purpose, he was just caught up in his new life, his new soulmate. James and Thomas had never had a courting time, had never dated. All that had happened for them was that they grew up knowing that they would be together.

With every missed phone call, every text left read and not replied to, Thomas felt a part of him die. He knew it was overdramatic but he needed James. James completed him in every way. When Christmas rolled around and Thomas found out that James wasn’t coming home, was staying with Alexander Hamilton, Thomas decided to stay at his own University. He got drunk beyond belief and found a pretty woman.

When he woke up, naked in her bed with a hangover he knew he deserved it.

As soon as he was in his dorm he called James. The first call went unanswered and Thomas felt his heart speed up. He forced himself to take deep breaths in before he typed the number in again. When it reached the last ring someone picked up.

“Oh thank fuck James I need to tell you something I fucked everything up and I’m so sorry. I didn’t-”

“Slow down.” The voice wasn’t James. Thomas froze with his heart in his throat. “What’re you talking about? Who are you?”

“Who are you?” Thomas asked indignantly.

“Alexander Hamilton. Why the fuck are you calling my soul mate’s phone in the middle of the night?”

“Where’s James?”

“In hospital.”

“Fucking hell what?” Thomas half screamed. “Why? Which hospital?”

“Who are you?”

“Tell me what’s wrong with my-” Thomas stopped suddenly as he realised he didn’t know what he should call James. The words on their arms were meant to be enough but they weren’t, not really. Not if Thomas could betray James so utterly.

“Look, tell me your name and how you know James and then I will.”

“I’m Thomas Jefferson. I’m a- a very old friend.”

“How old?”

“We met when I was two.”

“He’s never mentioned you.”

“What’s wrong with James?”

“He got pneumonia. He didn’t realise how bad the winter was for him.”

“Is he going to be okay?” Thomas half whispered.

“They reckon so. Bit of time on antibiotics and it’ll sort itself out. Do you-” Alexander paused for a moment. “Do you want me to pass on a message?”

“Tell him,” Thomas sighed, “tell him Thomas called. That- that Thomas will- tell him Thomas called.”

“Okay.” Alexander hung up without another word and Thomas let his head fall into his hands. He’d fucked up. This wasn’t just a small thing. He’d cheated on his soulmate and his soulmate hadn’t told him when he fell sick.

Thomas wasn’t sure when he started crying. He wasn’t sure when he stopped either.

 

The weekend after that, Thomas wanted to drive to James but he didn’t dare. He knew that if he did, Alexander would be there. Thomas didn’t want to meet Alexander, he never wanted to meet Alexander.

Alexander, who James turned to when he was ill, Alexander who had definitely fucked James by now, had known James more intimately than Thomas ever had.

When James called him Thomas stared at it before he let it ring out. That night as he lay in bed the words seemed to ache in his arm as if he could feel James’ emotions. Thomas knew it was just him projecting. James had found his two soul bonds and had chosen Alexander over Thomas. Thomas wanted to hate James for it but he couldn’t.

Alexander wouldn’t have jumped the bones of someone just because their partner wasn’t right there. James had obviously made the right choice.

Thomas threw himself into his work as soon as he could. He forced himself to stay in the library for as long as physically possible, to ignore how exhausted he got or how hungry he was. When he was alone in his dorm room he didn’t have anything to do. Once upon a time he would have called James up but those calls had almost ceased.

James still tried sometimes but Thomas didn’t pick up. Thomas spent a long time staring at his phone, about how he’d explain what he’d done but he never did anything, he never could bring himself to do anything.

On the nights where he was so cold and could only trace his words he couldn’t stop thinking about Alexander and James. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Alexander would be able to comfort James much better than Thomas ever could, how Alexander would make James happier than Thomas ever could have.

Whenever that did happen Thomas would slink into a bar. Most of the times he stumbled home in the night but sometimes he walked home from someone else’s house, shame and guilt battling for domination in his mind.

He wanted to call James on those days, admit everything. He could never quite bring himself to face the hurt he’d cause if he told James. He didn’t even want to imagine it.

Unfortunately he didn’t have to.

 

“Thomas?” The shaky voice made Thomas open one eye. He saw the woman from last night hastily getting changed but that hadn’t been the voice. He looked around the room and paused as he saw James standing in the doorway with someone behind him. The other man had long dark hair tied back in a loose ponytail and was staring at Thomas as if he was scum. Thomas knew he deserved that.

Thomas glanced at the woman who quietly made her excuses and ran from the room. He watched her go, feeling sick. He didn’t even remember her, had obviously drunk far too much. As soon as she was gone James started to speak.

“This- this is what happens?” His voice shook and Thomas couldn’t meet his eyes. “When- Thomas we- we’re soulmates!”

“James-” Thomas started but James just shook his head.

“Don’t you dare James me! Is this why you’ve been ignoring me? Is this why I didn’t even know if you were alive? How fucking dare you Thomas! I love you! We- we’re _soulmates_ Thomas! Since I met you it was meant to be us! No matter who else, it was always us, we always had each other’s backs! And you- is she really that good of a fuck?”

“It’s not like that.” Thomas whispered. James scoffed. “James please-”

“I just-” James took in a deep breath and Thomas felt his heart sink even further as he realised James was about to cry. The other man put a hand on his shoulder and James curved into the touch. Thomas tried to ignore the jealousy curling in his gut. “I thought you loved me.”

“Of course I do James! I love you more than life itself! I’d do anything-”

“I need to leave.” James choked out. He ran out the door and Thomas went to follow but the other man closed the door behind James. He then turned on Thomas.

“Go fuck yourself you self-aggrandised pendejo you don’t deserve to be his âme sœur!” The Spanish accent came through strong as the man cursed at Thomas who just blinked in surprise.

“What?” He asked softly as his arm burned.

“He’s been torn up about you since forever! Do you know how many fucking times I had to calm him down and convince him to not come out here because it would fuck up his studies? When he got back from the hospital you didn’t do a goddamn thing! Now you’re fucking random women? Everything he told me about you is nothing like this! How long have you been lying to him? How long have you spent manipulating him for your own-”

“Shut the hell up.” Thomas snarled out. “You don’t know a goddamn thing about me.”

“I-”

“Do you have any fucking clue what it feels like to know you’re going to be unloved? That the man you love will be happy? That your own soulmate hates you? I fucking wish I didn’t have soul bonds! Then I could just- I could be fucking happy!”

“You-” Alexander glared at him and stepped forwards. As he did Thomas stood. The blanket half fell away and he reached for it, exposing his second soul bond. Alexander glanced at it before he froze.

“What?”

“Fuck.” Alexander muttered. He unrolled his sleeve and stared at the silvery writing. Thomas stared at his own arm, at the words he’d hated for so long.

“Fuck.” Thomas whispered as he collapsed onto the bed.

“Wh- James and you said I wasn’t your soulmate. I don’t-”

“The handwriting. The Spanish. The- the fact that my soulmate hated my bond with James. I just- I thought we were-” Thomas broke off and scoffed. “Fucking hell.”

“So basically, every single thing that you’ve done to James was for nothing?”

“Basically, everything I believed since you were born has just been erased. Yeah basically.” Thomas sighed. “This is bullshit.”

“Why’d you fuck the woman?”

“Because- because I couldn’t stop thinking about you! Because I knew James was so fucking happy with you, I knew that you made him happy and I’d never be able to! I-” Thomas broke off. “She- they were all just- easy to ignore. If- I don’t know.”

“Do you love James?”

“Of course.”

I do as well.“

They were silent for a moment.

“Go get him.” Thomas said softly. “Take him back to New York. I- I’ll call him. I’ll explain it when he’s calmed down and- and if he doesn’t- doesn’t want me then-” Thomas sighed and broke off.

“Do you really think he won’t want you?”

“I don’t know. James needs that option.”

“Yeah. He does.” Alexander stood and walked to the door. Thomas watched him go numbly. He was such a fucking idiot. He’d chased his soulmate away. More than that, he’d pushed away both of his soul mates, had rejected the idea that their soul bond was circular rather than two separate ones.

Thomas forced himself towards his clothes and pulled them on, ignoring that they were old. He would get through that day, then he’d be able to explain himself. It would be fine. He had to believe it would be fine.

Thomas felt tears begin to gather and he didn’t bother trying to wipe them away. He’d fucked everything up.

He didn’t notice the door opening again, just felt warm arms around him.

“Come on Thomas.” James whispered. “Don’t cry.”

“James I-” Thomas stared at him and James shrugged. “I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Please Thomas just- just explain. Tell me.”

“Of course.”

 

After the conversation Thomas found himself living a new life. Every day he was called by James and Alexander. Sometimes they were together, sometimes they were apart. Thomas learnt to love Alexander by the sound of his voice and through the lens of a camera.

James’ smile did a lot as well. He looked at Alexander so fondly that Thomas could barely understand how someone could love so deeply. When he’d mentioned it to Alexander he was quiet before he laughed because that was the same thing he thought when he’d first seen James look at Thomas.

It took a long time but eventually Thomas understood that Alexander wasn’t taking away from his relationship with James, he was merely adding to it. Their relationship grew stronger together until Thomas could never have imagined life without Alexander.

He didn’t want to either.

**Author's Note:**

> I am such trash for soulmate AUs. I already have another one planned which might end up Jamilton? (Jeffilton is still a better ship name)  
> This was meant to be a funny story about Thomas navigating life with fuck on his skin and then basically punching Hamilton because he made his words so shitty. But alas, angst.  
> See you next time!


End file.
